I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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