I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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