When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
