Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
