are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
