ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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