Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
