Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
