You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
