I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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