3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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