Porn is love you can see.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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