Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
