Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
