The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
