people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
