I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
