brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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