new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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