We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
