so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
