Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
