I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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