Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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