This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
