Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
