hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ttyl tear gas
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
