I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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