The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
