Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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