We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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