He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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