I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
