woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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