At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
