just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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