Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
