I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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