every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
