I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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