Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
