i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
