i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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