we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
