I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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