and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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