if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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