Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
