I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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