if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
