remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
