What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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