just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
