and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
