3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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