I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
