Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
