You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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