I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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