I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
