So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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