i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
