where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
