he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
