the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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