I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
