I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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