New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
sex in a hospital.. check
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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