Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
