and you said cock pushups were impossible
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
