I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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