kristin has been a bad kristin
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
