We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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