well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
