Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
