That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
