Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
